Jessica Simpson Wants To Take Over The World!

If nitwits like Jessica Simpson are able to take over the world, then it would seem that we are all doomed! Ha.

Apparently, she’s got her eye on the prize of world domination with her fashion and beauty empire. Fun fact: Jessica is a gazillionaire from her fashion empire. So it stands to reason that she’s doing something right, don’t you think?

Oh God, I see what’s happening now. I’ve already been infected by her stupidity. See?!? I’ve admitted that she’s doing something right. Acceptance of the fact is the last stage in anything, so it only makes sense that she has taken over our minds.

In a new interview, she said, “We have lingerie, we have luggage, we have swimwear, jewelry, name it, we kind of have it. And if we don’t, we soon will.”

Leading up to the day she walks down the aisle with boyfriend Eric Johnson, it’s being rumored that Jessica is considering breast reduction surgery. A snitch said, “She thinks if she downsizes her breasts, she will look smaller. She’s never loved having a huge chest.”

And I quote her father, the ever creepy Joe Simpson, who has previously said, “Jessica never tries to be sexy. … She just is sexy. If you put her in a T-shirt or you put her in a bustier, she’s sexy in both. She’s got double D’s! You can’t cover those suckers up!”

Perhaps surgery is the only way for her to get her own father to stop talking to the media (or anyone else) about her boobage? Just a thought.